Ephesians 4:29-32
“A Word Worth Repeating, Part 2”

I’m sure you’ve heard of the pastor who, on his first Sunday at a new church, preached passionately about the need to love God and one another. The people were stirred in spirit and grateful to God for their new pastor, and they told him so as they left the sanctuary that morning. The next week the crowd was noticeably bigger and there was much anticipation about what they may hear in week two. But what they heard was the same sermon preached again with the same illustrations and the same passion. They were a bit taken aback, but one older lady known for her forthrightness said to him as she left, “You know that you preached that same sermon last Sunday.”

“Yes, I know,” he replied, “and once we’ve begun to practice it I’ll move on to the next sermon.”

A familiar quip, but I confess to feeling a bit like that pastor today. Although we have a new set of verses before us this morning, the message is remarkably similar to last week’s—in fact, I’ve even kept the same outline. But it’s not I who is repeating himself, it is Paul. I’m merely drawing attention to it. And I believe we’ll all be the beneficiaries if we attend to what he has said.

And in light of foundational nature of point #1 listed on your outline, we’ll spend a disproportionate amount of time on it as compared to points #2 and #3. But here in Eph.4:29-32 we see Paul deliver charges to govern ourselves in three key areas as we seek to put off the old self and put on the new.

Charge #1: Govern Your Tongue – 29-30

V.29: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. In addition to doing what is good, then, in v.28, it is also characteristic of the teaching of Christ to say what is good. Before the quality was truth in speech (25); here, now (29), it is wholesomeness. The word esv translates corrupting, nasv and niv render as unwholesome. It’s a pretty graphic word. One lexicon (BAGD) defines it as literally, of spoiled fish, decayed trees, or rotten fruits; of grapes that lie on the ground and rot; that’s a pretty picture, isn’t it? Have you smelled grapes rotting on the ground, or spoiled fish? It also refers to stones that are unsound or crumbling. An extra-biblical source (Herodas 2,23) also used the word for worn-out shoes. Another lexicon (NAS) summarized the meaning as rotten, worthless; another (Swanson) as decayed, having no value, and yet another (Strong) as putrefied, unfit for use. This is the word Paul selected under the inspiration of the Spirit to describe the sort of language we shouldn’t have—Let no such talk come out of your mouths.

Why do you suppose he had to choose such a word? Is it because that is precisely the sort of speech that is likely to come out of our mouths? God knows we can speak awfully freely, awfully critically, awfully unwholesomely about one another in the privacy of our own homes, can’t we. Do I need to cite examples? I don’t think so. Yet Paul said: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths…. He didn’t say: Just make sure that the target of your corrupting talk doesn’t hear or find out what you’ve said. He said: Don’t say it. Don’t let the words form on your tongue. Even if you believe the other person is deserving of your harsh words, in your anger do not sin.

But still, this is only part of the picture. Massively unwholesome talk is suggested by the definition of corrupting or unwholesome, but the second and third parts of v.29 raise the bar just a bit. V.29a is the forbiddance—no corrupting talk. But 29bc add the positive side—what sort of speech ought to characterize us? Is it really enough simply to avoid putrefied utterances? No, we should speak only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion. We should so speak that it may give grace to those who hear. I suspect that if we were able to master this principle among us we would be an unusual local body. Listen to the words of Jam.3:2-10. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Do you hear that? Things ought not to be this way! Yes, Paul sets a high bar here in Eph.4:29. But James sets it just as high in his comments. We are to live in a manner worthy of our calling according to the power that is at work within us, and both of these men assure us that God’s power is sufficient to reach this goal governing our tongues.

But what is more, we must consider the warning of Jesus, likely to the Pharisees, in Mat.12:33-37. He warned them of the consequences of just speaking carelessly, not to mention unworthily. Jesus said: Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Simply put, what Jesus is saying is that our words reveal what is in our hearts, and what is in our hearts determines whether we are justified or condemned. Toward that end, every careless word will be assessed on judgment day (cf. 2Co.5:10).

Thus, unwholesome or corrupting talk refers to more than just abusive or decadent speech, but to anything diminutive or even mildly degrading of others; our heart makes the difference. The modern day cut down, if spoken seriously, is a perfect example of the speech that is forbidden. Now, we must grant that affable humor among friends can actually strengthen relationship. However, if humor is meant to disguise the expression of some real criticism or denigration or frustration with another person or group, that expression does not pass the test of Eph.4:29. Such speech is simply not fitting from lips that confess Christ as Lord. It does not build up others.

Further, wholesome talk is not only that which edifies generally, but should be intentionally focused on particular areas of need for specific individuals. This is the only way it can truly build up others as fits the occasion. It is also the only way that such speech may give grace to those who hear. Words that give grace—think about that. So, what is grace? Strong defines that Greek word as that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness. It is “good will, loving-kindness, favor…the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues. Don’t you love that?! Grace is really just everything that is good about God which he has given to us in Christ enabling us to love Him with our whole heart and follow Him with our whole life. Put another way, grace is that without which life is utterly devoid of meaning, value, and purpose. It is devoid of meaning because we have no involvement in any cause of enduring good. It is devoid of value because we make no contribution to any cause of enduring good. It is devoid of purpose because we can’t ignore that lack of meaning and value; our life is not headed toward a destination of any significance. Grace infuses meaning, value, and purpose into life and it is given freely as a gift of God in Christ. What Paul is saying here, then, is that our words intentionally targeted at building up others where they stand in particular need of it can actually be the conveyers of God’s grace to them. 

Have you ever seen that happen in your life? I’m sure you have. On several occasions as I’ve been speaking with someone and have felt moved to give them some specific word of encouragement. And as I have done so I’ve seen their eyes fill with tears almost before the expression on the face ever changes. Usually it’s because the quality I’ve mentioned is one they’ve felt is lacking in them even after they’ve prayed much about it. Similarly, I’ve been blessed beyond description by the words of others identifying just such qualities in me. F. F. Bruce wrote: The conversation of some Christians is a benediction in itself; this should be true of the conversation of all Christians. The well-chosen, Holy Spirit-motivated words of Christians can actually convey the grace of God. 

Unfortunately, though, the words of Christians can also grieve the Holy Spirit (30). Although there are no doubt numerous ways to grieve the Holy Spirit, the connective and insinuates that here Paul is speaking primarily of doing so through unwholesome talk. And v.31 fills in some content as to what Paul specifically had in mind. We’ll get to that in a moment. But first we must understand a bit more about this grieving of the Holy Spirit. Literally grieve means to make sorrowful, but that barely scratches the surface. The word grieved is used a number of times in Scripture; one occasion was in the story of the rich young man who asked Jesus what good deed he must do to have eternal life (Mat.19:16ff.). After dialoging with him on the law for a moment, v.21 states: Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” The text records that (22) he went away grieving, for he had great possessions. The disciples were grieved (Mar.14:19) when Jesus told them that one of them would betray him. Jesus was grieving in prayer (Mat.26:38) in the Garden of Gethsemane later on that very same night. John grieved when Jesus asked him a third time if he loved him (Joh.21:17). Grieving is a powerful emotion, a powerful response.

There is one other passage, though, which has an even more direct connection with Eph.4; that is Isa.63. In that passage the prophet describes messianic judgment and victory followed by a direct reference to the deliverance of God’s people during the days of the exodus. It contrasts God’s steadfast, covenant love with Israel’s rebellion with the result that Isaiah declared (10): They rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit. Thus, the implication is, don’t go there! Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit as Israel did. And the most likely way for that to happen here is through corrupting talk—this is rebellion against God equivalent to the behavior or Israel in the desert! And it is all the more offensive now because the Holy Spirit whom we grieve is the One who has sealed us, validated us. certified us for our eternal future in heaven. Unwholesome speech is foreign to our new life and works against what the Holy Spirit has done on our behalf. And it also works against the unity of the body that is so centrally important in this passage.

Charge #1, guard your tongue against unwholesome speech as attentively as against untruthful speech.

Charge #2: Govern Your Attitude – 31

Continuing along the same line of thought, Paul offered one of his familiar lists of behaviors that should be avoided. And there appears to be a progression here, from inner to outer expressions of malice. He starts with bitterness, which is the opposite not only of sweetness but also of kindness. It harbors and nurses resentment from past wrongs. Wrath refers to violent outbursts which may well be fueled by bitterness. Anger is temper, agitation of soul; it becomes characteristic of a spirit which does not put away wrath. That is to say, passive bitterness which periodically erupts in wrath develops over time into anger. O’Brien (350) suggests that these latter two words are often synonymous. But that if there is a difference, wrath is more of an indignant outburst where anger describes a more persistent seething state. And Bruce (364) pointed out that: This mention of anger as something that is bad without qualification, so soon after v. 26, suggests that to be angry without sinning is as rare as it is difficult. Clamor is literally all kinds of shouting. It is anger erupting into a public, verbal expression. Slander is injurious speech directed at an individual, almost like targeted clamor. And all of this has its root in malice. That is the common thread. Malice adds the flavor of conscious, evil intent.

Thus, the charge is clearly to put it all away—to pick it up and carry it out like we do with the garbage. To govern our attitude in this way it will take an intentional effort on our part, moving such vices away from us. If they hang around, they fester and grow and mutate and multiply. Jean and I used to go camping from time to time and one thing you learn when you camp is that you can’t leave uneaten food lying around overnight. You have to dispose of the garbage. If you don’t you can be overrun by everything from little red ants to big black bears. 

Governing our attitude here is a lot like taking out the garbage.

Charge #3: Govern Your Relationships – 32

Paul finishes this paragraph with a direct and summary charge in v.32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. The flipside to the ugly attitudes of v.31, then, is to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving just like God is. According to the OT, kindness is a quality which God Himself demonstrates concretely, to everyone, but especially to his own people (O’Brien, 351). Together with tenderheartedness, it stands in direct contrast to bitterness—the beginning of the cycle. Tenderhearted itself means, get this, strong bowels! It refers to compassion. You can see the connection; it oftentimes requires a strong stomach to be truly compassionate and tenderhearted. Especially in situation where we’ve been inclined toward bitterness or anger or malice, tenderheartedness can seem almost out of reach. When a parent has harmed us, or a spouse betrayed us, or a child rejected us, or a friend offend us. Tenderheartedness will require great strength.

Be is a present imperative, so it could literally be translated become. In contrast to the list of expressions of malice, then, the teaching of Christ is to grow in kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness—become kind, tenderhearted, forgiving. And forgiveness is the big one; as we unpack it, we see Paul’s thought continuing. Forgiveness obliterates malice. Forgiveness suffocates slander. Forgiveness silences anger and clamor. Then it remedies wrath and bitterness. It’s rooted in all that Christ did for us; He’s both the reason why we forgive and the example of how to do it. The picture is that if Christ could forgive the bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice we advanced against Him, being now enabled by Him and sealed with His Holy Spirit, we should certainly be able to extend the same to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

In the sermon on the mount (Mat.6:14-15), Jesus enlightens us to the potentially devastating implications of a refusal to extend forgiveness—it may well mean we ourselves haven’t been forgiven—but here Paul is simply issuing the charge in contrast to the litany of self-serving vices of v.31. Living in a manner worthy of our calling (1) requires us to be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (3), which in turn calls for kind, tenderhearted forgiveness to characterize relationships within the body.

Conclusion

So, what can we take away from this passage this morning besides a mere knowledge of what it says? I believe v.29 is the key. As we pursue the elimination of corrupting talk, focusing instead on words that build up and give grace, I believe we will be well on our way toward putting away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. We will be far more successful in our ability to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving of one another. Would you agree? I believe James would concur that, as we learn to govern the tongue, the rest of life will be drawn into line. In fact, his says so in ch.3 v.2 which we read earlier. Oh, how I wish I could just reach inside my heart and flip a switch that would draw my tongue into check. How I wish I could also do so for you. But it just doesn’t happen that way. Rather, it happens as the people of God are captivated by the Word of God and enabled by the Spirit of God to live the life of God.

In the very next verse (5:1), Paul wrote: Be imitators of God as beloved children. It is a process of denying self, taking up our cross, and following Jesus. It is a process of drawing on the strength that is already at work in we who believe. And it is a process of testing our actions, repenting of that which is not good, forsaking it, and pursuing that which is like God—putting off the old self and putting on the new.

So, what, then, is the concluding challenge for today? I have a suggestion of just the sort of test we ought to implement. In fact, I hope it becomes characteristic of us here at Grace Church! I hope it becomes part of our identity. It is not original with me, this test; but for the life of me I can’t remember where I’ve heard of it before. The test focuses on evaluating our speech to draw it, over time, into conformity with the teaching of this passage.

And what is the test? It is one challenge: 4:29 it! And it means just what you suspect. Whatever statement comes out of your mouth, or better, is about to come out of your mouth, 4:29 it. Test it by Eph.4:29. Ask yourself: Is this wholesome talk? Will it build up others where they have need of being built up? Might it even convey the grace of God to them? 4:29 it! Teachers, as you work with your students in Sunday School and hear things that ought not to be said, urge them to 4:29 it. Parents, do the same at home. But you better make sure you’re setting a good example of how it works! Husbands, wives, 4:29 it with one another. And that may be one of the toughest places to do it—familiarity can breed contempt even within marriage, you know.

As we leave here this morning, these are the words I’d like to be on our minds, and even on our lips: 4:29 it—test yourself to determine whether every word that comes out of your mouth is wholesome, edifying, graceful, kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving of other. And if it isn’t, take it to God immediately for the forgiveness He’s extended in Christ, and get right back on track. For if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body (Jam.3:2).