Ephesians 5:25-30
“The Highest Calling”

A week ago this past Friday we left the scenic rock quarry of Warrenville, for the lush green trees and fine sand of Emerald Isle, NC. We really did have a very nice time with family. Emerald Isle is a beautiful island off the coast of NC between Cape Carteret and Morehead City. With only a couple of exceptions we’ve gone there annually with my sister and her family for more than a decade. Beautiful houses line the beaches filled mostly by families with multiple children who love the perfect balance of hot, humid air with mild and cool ocean waves. It is quite idyllic. We swam and played. Our kids enjoyed interaction with their cousins. I took bike rides at least once each day. But as I pedaled up and down the island I couldn’t help pondering the fact that all of these fine and beautiful homes were built on sand. My mind was drawn to Jesus’ poignant illustration of foolishness at the end of the sermon on the mount in Mat.7(24-27). The children’s melody floated through my mind: “The foolish man builds his house upon the sand.” I was cycling through that metaphor! It made be very glad for my humble home built on Warrenville rock!

Still, in that passage Jesus was not talking primarily about architecture. He was comparing those who listen to His teachings and obey with those who listen and don’t obey. And despite the obvious connection, that passage was not the one that most on my mind as I was riding. Rather, it was this one that is before us this morning: Eph.5:25-30. How often do we hear God’s word on this subject of marriage but do not heed it, do not obey it from the heart? How often do we hear, Wives, submit to your husbands? How often do we hear, Husbands, love your wives? How often do we hear what God has said to us through the pen of Paul regarding walking in a manner worthy of our calling in marriage, and yet go away unchanged?

Two weeks ago I challenged wives from Eph.5:22-24. These days that is a difficult passage to hear on its own. But fortunately Paul gave us a rather robust foreshadowing of the husband’s role there in vs.23 as he is seeking to clarify his calling to the wife. This week we come in earnest to Paul’s teaching on the role of the husband, though, and he has much to say on that. And husbands, I just want to talk with you man to man a bit this morning with everyone else listening in. I want them to listen because, as we’ll see, there is application here for all Christians in this passage. But also, understanding what God expects of the head of the home helps everyone in the home to understand better and appreciate more the calling they have received.

In Eph.5:25-30 Paul continued his instruction on individual’s responsibilities within authority structures as he employed two images, similes really, to address Christian husbands.

Image, Simile, #1 – Love as Christ Loves You – 25-27

Christ “gave himself up” for His bride (25). He sacrificed Himself. He spared nothing. Phi.2:7, He laid aside the privileges of heaven. Rom.5:8, He died for those still in rebellion. Rom.8:32, God Himself did not spare Him. Jesus did all this to sanctify His bride (26). He made her holy—set her apart for God, for Himself. He cleansed her. 

Washing of water – Some consider this a reference to baptism. Others take it as a reference to the bridal bath, part of wedding celebration. In Eze.16:6-14, God bathed his bride, shameful people made pure and beautiful, adorned in fine linen and silk. Christ did the same for this one new people at the cross—dead and dirty sinners he made alive and pure, here and now right here in vv.26-27, and future for all eternity according to Rev.19:7

With (through) the word – Those who take this as baptism see this word as the confession of sin and repentance acknowledged at baptism (1Pe.3:21, not the removal of dirt from the body, but an appeal to God for a good conscience…). Those who see reference to the bridal bath may view this word as the proclamation of the gospel which brought about the cleansing. The word Paul chose here slightly favors proclamation over written word, but the summary impact of either is essentially the same. I favor the bridal bath image. Jesus prayed: Sanctify them by the truth, Your word is truth (Joh.17:17).

Christ presented to Himself – This, too, is pictured best by Rev.19 where the bride is arrayed in fine linen, bright and pure, which are the good works enabled by her cleansing. Then the beautiful description of Rev.21:9ff. where the holy city, the eternal dwelling place of the church is seen as one with the bride herself, described as having the glory of God and the radiance of a rare jewel (11).

Sum total, Christ’s love was sacrificial, He withheld nothing; it was edifying, it built up His bride, it made her clean; and purposeful, it prepared her for her eternal future. The husband’s love is to be just the same. To understand more of what that means, let’s look at vss.28-30.

Image, Simile, #2 – Love as You Love You – 28-30

Paul begins: In the same way—love your wife as your own body. This sounds the second great commandment. Paul’s use of body rather than self recalls Gen.2:23 (bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh—my family, closer even than mother and father). But also, wife is closest neighbor. That term, in feminine form, is used for her some nine times in Song of Solomon (LXX, 1:9, 15; 2:2, 10, 13; 4:1, 7; 5:2; 6:4—my darling or my love; she is his closest neighbor).

Still, husbands should love wives as their own bodies, but we’re not told she is his body. In light of that, Paul makes an interesting statement in 28b: he who loves his wife loves himself. If she’s not his body, she’s awfully close! She’s created by God to be a helper suitable. That for next week. But for now, Paul seems to mean that loving her as his own body is not only in her best interest, but also in his.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are member of his body (29). One of the primary characteristics of the care we give our own bodies is that it is unconscious—we give it without even really thinking about it. We feed ourselves—we wouldn’t forget for any lengthy amount of time. We care for ourselves—wouldn’t forget clothing. If we were running and stumbled, our hands would shoot out in front of us to protect our head. That’s instinctive, unconscious—hands protect the head. But it’s also sacrificial. It’s edifying, for the good of the head, to build it up. And it’s purposeful, protecting long-term best interests of the body.

Conclusion

So, what do we do with this knowledge? 

How many of you remember that we have an unanswered question lingering from last time? Why did Paul speak to the wife first? Once we hear this word to husbands we’ve gained a key insight, and it has to do with the meaning of love. Love is not clearly defined in Scripture. But if we were to collect all the data and descriptions, a good summary definition, as we have mentioned before, is: a jealous guarding of the beloved’s best interest. Jesus died for the church, as we said last week, because life, eternal life, was her greatest need. And God so loved the world that he met that greatest need.

What is now the greatest need of believers? Well, the greatest commandment is that we love God above all else, and our neighbor as ourselves. And how do we do that? Jusus said: If you love me you will keep my commandments (Joh.14:15). You will obey Me. Our greatest need, then, is to love God completely and passionately, to the point of consistent obedience. Then to love others as unconsciously as we love ourselves, to jealously guard their best interest, to enable their loving obedience of God. 

A husband is called to do just that with his wife. But unless and until he knows what God expects of her as a wife, he cannot be truly loving as Christ was loving. Thus, the wife is addressed first.

Lesson 

Let’s consider one final image to help husbands understand what this might look like. There was an old, made for TV (I believe) movie titled, Boy in the Bubble. The boy was immune-compromised and the bubble was created to protect him from germs and so preserve his life. The creation of that bubble was sacrificial, it was costly; it was edifying for the building up, the purifying of his body; and it was purposeful, protecting his long-term best interests.

Husbands are called to build such a bubble of protection around the wife that she is enabled to walk in obedience to God’s calling on her as a wife without giving in to fear.

Closing Illustration

So, what does it look like? It is sacrificial, edifying, and purposeful. It is not distant or selfish or domineering. In the area of decision making, a favorite on this topic of submission, I have some old friends who exhibited this well. In short, he was offered a job that, for him, was a dream come true. He felt God Himself had provided this opportunity. But for her, she felt it involved moving back into a vocation that he’d learned he wasn’t well-suited to. Given time, his wife hadn’t come around to his view so, in prayer one afternoon, he said, “Heavenly Father, I’ve never knowing disobeyed you before, but I’m going to do so now for the sake of my marriage.” And within just a few days of that prayer, his wife changed her mind. And he took the job. 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. We need marriages built on the rock quarry of God’s Word.

But to the rest of us, look at v.2 of c.5. We are all to love one another in this same way, to walk in this sort of love. And look at vs.21. We are also to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The marriage relationship is unique in that it is a crafted portrait of the relationship between God and his people. But the qualities to be demonstrated are not unique to husbands and wives. They are to describe the attitude and behavior of all Christians who make up the bride of Christ.